Well that didn’t take long. The world’s first 3D Blu-ray porn movie has just hit retail. Yes, you read that right: the first 3D porn movie has just appeared in select countries for 3D Blu-ray players and 3D-capable TVs. Before we get down to business, which is really what this news about the first 3D Blu-ray porn movie is all about, let’s get one thing out of the way: jokes. Because we all know you want to make them.
So, who’s ready to see those double-Ds in 3D? What’s the over/under on the number of scenes before a 3D wang pokes off the screen? Man, those augmentation scars look more obvious in “real life.” How did they get the videographer to film with two cameras while only using one hand? Why a full movie when they only needed about eight minutes in 3D? Please, no dimensional money shots into the camera!
Happy now? OK, with the jokes out of the way, let’s talk about why this is surprisingly big news, even if for odd reasons, for the world of 3D Blu-ray.
The porn industry has consistently thrown its girth behind technologies that win. VHS beat Betamax. Blu-ray beat HD-DVD. Porn accounts for almost all money made on the Internet. So with the world’s first 3D Blu-ray porn now on sale, it’s a fair bet that 3D Blu-ray movies and 3D TVs are far more than a passing fad or a shot in the dark for one big holiday season.
Now, just because the first 3D Blu-ray porn movie is a new thing doesn’t mean the creators have anything innovative up their sleeves. The name is still predictably vanilla (Erotek Dimensions 3D). The price is still low enough ($17.95) that the potential “loss” due to a bad purchase will seem minimal to many. And the plot still isn’t necessary but remains as gimpy as ever: Taking place in a cyber-science DNA laboratory, Doria (the Scientist and former host of Playboy TV’s Night Calls) conjures up holographic couples to act out her sexual fantasies. For those who track this sort of thing, the movie apparently stars people worth mentioning, too: Kim Chambers, Scott Styles, Dan Anderson, Taylor Wayne and Lorean.
[Box art removed due to reader and other requests. Sorry, teenagers….]
What is worth mentioning is the technique used not by the actors, but by the producers. Amazingly enough, Erotek Dimensions 3D was also the world’s first 3D Adult DVD released for Standard Definition (CRT) TVs. Yet that means it was also originally shot in native dual camera 3D, unlike many of the recent major-studio 3D Blu-ray releases, and it utilizes 3D MVC encoding technology, which is the chosen 3D format made standard for Blu-ray 3D and requires Active 3D Shutter Glasses via a signal emitter kit. In other words, as many jokes as you want to crack at the film and industry, the movie itself takes the technology seriously. Digitally re-mastered to 1280×720 (720p), Erotek Dimensions 3D also features two versions on the 3D Blu-ray disc — an enhanced 16:9 widescreen version and the original 4:3 aspect version — which allows full 2D playback with all Blu-ray players.
I haven’t seen the movie — and no, I’m not planning to — but hearing what’s underneath the hood is a bit of an eye opener. It’s been tempting to wonder whether 3D Blu-ray and 3D TVs would really take off, whether the existing price points and current economic climate are simply a bad fit for one another. It’s been easy to forgive some of the first films’ 3D misses due to the technology’s newness, yet we’ve quietly wondered whether the effects will ever be consistently good. Those things are dependent upon the studios, directors and cinematographers. But having the first 3D Blu-ray porn movie now available in the U.S., Canada, Australia and select countries in the European Union erases some of those lingering questions about the technology’s staying power. And no, that’s not a sex joke.
For better or for worse, the porn industry tends to pick the winners. Having the world’s first 3D Blu-ray porn movie, whether you approve of it or not, is definitely a step toward mainstream adoption. Joke all you will, balk all you will, or watch all you will — these tea leaves seem to point toward a long life for 3D Blu-ray. And while you may not approve of the messenger, you’ve got to admit, the message is pretty sweet.
UPDATE: After posting this article, the team at 3D Amazements emailed the following points of clarification: it’s very important to use the term ‘Blu-ray 3D’ and not 3D Blu-ray. Erotek is the world’s first official Blu-ray 3D porn title. A few months ago, Hustler released an Avatar parody in 3D on Blu-ray using compressed side by side format (which works with most 3DTV systems) but is not the chosen MVC (FULL HD3D) standard needed in order to bear the official Blu-ray 3D logo because side by side or over/under compromises resolutions by half and is not backwards compatible to play in 2D so an additional 2D version would be needed to include on those discs.
“The original DVD needed a signal emitter kit on CRT TV’s with shutter glasses back in 2002…of course the new 3DTV’s have a built in signal emitter. Blu-ray 3D’s also will work on Polarized 3D monitors and glasses free 3D monitors as long as they are compliant with Blu-ray 3D players.”
And now you know….
— Jonas Allen